The dialogue around stay at home parenting is finally changing to reflect that deciding to be a stay at home parent is a childcare choice and not a given. At Penguin we believe that, like any childcare choice, the decision to be a Stay at Home Parent should be based on your parenting values and goals and that, just like any childcare choice, stay at home parenting can come with it’s own unique issues and concerns.
At Penguin we encourage parents to consider the potential concerns before choosing stay-at-home parenting as a permanent childcare choice and to plan ahead for it.
The first thing we advise stay at home parents to do is to decide what parenting values and goals they are achieving by being at home with their children. These should be your top priorities each day and they should be clearly communicated and agreed with your partner or co-parent where relevant. If your priorities as a stay at home parent are to provide stimulating activities for your children, spending time with them outdoors and ensuring they have healthy nutritious meals, these should be the main tasks you focus on. This might mean that the laundry takes a back seat or the kitchen is messy at the end of the day, but the focus should be on what gives you satisfaction and a sense of achievement as a stay at home parent.
Some stay-at-home parents often express feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated in their day. There are several factors that can contribute to this including the level of expectation (or perceived expectation) on the stay at home parent in relation to caring for the children and managing the home, the long days (depending on child ages you can start at 5 or 6 am and not rest until 9 or 10 pm), the lack of structured breaks or the diverse range of tasks that need to be completed each day.
If you are battling long days with early starts, late finishes, and no breaks this needs to be communicated, to your partner, co-parent, or if you are a single parent to a supportive friend or family member. This is not sustainable long term and it should not be the expectation you have for yourself or that anyone has of you as a stay at home parent. I often advise parents to consider what their expectations would be of a live-in nanny or au pair and apply the same rules to the stay at home parent. If you would consider housework, laundry, evening care (after 6 pm), morning starts (before 8 am), night feeds, or weekend care as outside of the normal responsibility of a nanny then these tasks should be shared between parents or support sought on a regular basis to avoid burnout.
If you are experiencing challenges as a Stay at Home parent or would like to consider the option of stay at home parenting and require support or advice in making your decision, contact Penguin today for a consultation.
